I was hoping for design, not destruction. Art, instead of abhorrence. Vanity in place of viciousness. But what I really wanted was a lover who wouldn't leave.
Do you wonder why I asked you? Hidden away inside a hotel room, remembering all the faces, all the places, all the people who have left me behind--I had to ask.
Are you going to leave me?
Just not in so many words. I haven't dreamed your leaving, yet. Just dreamed the day when you break down in front of me and cry. You've been a whisperer for all of us so far. From the long walk when I wasn't sure who you really were, til now.
I think you've found me, too. I just wish I had more from it, to the point where fatal attraction wasn't tied up with desire. I want to want innocently again. To want closeness for closeness' sake alone. My own history kind of ruined that possibility for me.
You're helping me rebuild a world where things like that are possible again. I don't recall asking, but I'm glad anyway. Just please...don't leave me. I've had too many people turn their backs. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but I've still got a child's heart--I'll never understand loss the way guarded adults do.
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