The way I planned it...

...you didn't leave, and I didn't know I'd been left behind until after the things that needed to came back together again.

The way I planned it, your daughter was just a figure of speech, a figment of imagination or maybe hope gone terribly wrong.

Because the way I planned it, the way I imagined it, you were broken down and sobbing while I looked on, wondering what had caused it, wondering how things can go wrong.

Because the way I planned it, she didn't live long enough to hold on to your attention.

The way I planned it didn't involve wanting anyone dead, just out of the way so I could have you back around again.

The way I planned it didn't require extra sympathy--just the absence of apathy so I could start feeling again the way I've been trying not to for so long.

Because the way I planned it, we were going to go for a walk down the path that connects minds together, the way we did in nicer weather than it is now, with all the rain.

Because the way I planned it, you were going to tell me I had a shot again, to make things go right this time, and I didn't have to accept the past fuck-ups, where I didn't put everything of myself into what I wanted to do.

The way I planned it, you and I went as far as we did in August, except closer, now, and--

The way I planned it, you touched me in ways you never had before, with your hands leading the way to exploration.

Because the way I planned it, your hands on my arms wasn't the only thing I had in mind, despite the fact that that was all I ever asked for when I knelt before you.

Because the way I planned it, I could have what I needed without getting greedy, and seconds of touch before a world that didn't understand what that touch meant was about as satisfying as walking out of a bank a few hundred dollars richer.

The way I planned it could have happened, except for the mistakes you made when I wasn't looking over your shoulder like I should have been.

The way I planned it might have happened, except I didn't know you soon enough, and now I'm just following in footsteps, tracking progress and wondering how long before you realize I want to be more than just a constant in your life.

Because the way I planned it, time doesn't end.

Because the way I planned it...well, maybe I'd begin to mend.