She was wearing pink
and green
and glasses
and she smiled
the way a fearful dog might
while begging for its life
at the hands of a violent owner.
Dumb bitch.
If she were my dog,
I'd kill her.
II
Two men walked into a lunchroom
and sat down.
Usually it's a bar.
And a joke.
This time it's real,
and there's nothing funny
about them.
III
Four math majors sat down
at a table. They talked about
parabolas and equations,
algebra and calculus,
radicals and imaginary numbers
until the English major
ran away. Then one math major
turned to another.
Have you read the newest
Harry Potter book yet?
IV
I stare at words
until they start to bleed
and I think I begin
to understand, except
when blood actually
touches the page.
Then the ink blurs.
V
A young man stands by a table,
announces that he's lost
and leaves.
The girls at the table titter.
All the boys are silent.
He left his food,
one finally says.
VI
You are a trace of nonsense, nonsensical
in a nonsense world
dedicated to dreary past times
like breathing.
No one needs that much air.
VII
Sometimes I stare at beyond the glass
windows and wish I had wings
so I could fly
instead of falling.
But those are only the days
when suicide sounds like a waste.
They're getting fewer
and farther between.
VIII
I dreamed
a professor (my favorite)
killed my roommate (who still talks to me),
then himself.
I wanted him to be alive again.
And I dreamed
a professor (still my favorite)
came to kill me (in my room)
but he didn't.
(We fucked instead.)
IX
I was a small child, once, and
I told my stories in pictures, back
then. I told my stories in pictures
done in marker on the bed sheets
until my mother made me stop. Then
I told my stories in colored pencil
on the floor until my father took
those away. Then I curled up
by the white walls until both
parents asked what I was doing.
With a crayon in each hand, I
said, Telling the truth.
X
Every moment is a reminder
to me. That being alone forever,
even with people,
is so very,
very possible.
Makes me want blood.
Maybe theirs.
Always my own.
Because then, at least...
I guess I'm not hurting anyone.
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