I Remember...I

I remember incense, floating into the air and men crying while the black marble baptismal font just stood there, hazy in the smoke.

I remember not understanding at the time.

I remember clawing my way up the stairs, intent on getting out of the basement.

I remember curling up with the dog--a black Labrador Retriever named Raven.

I remember living in a tent on a boat for four days, making the crossing to Juneau.

I remember a kite cake and celebrating my birthday with my sister's.

I remember birthdays, but they were always in June, except for this year.

I remember my family celebrating my birthday before I left home, almost a month in advance.

I remember dumpster diving behind the Crate Center.

I remember the old leather trench coat I found and how it smelled like train oil and old memories.

I remember rain.

I remember how painful a bad race is.

I remember how to forget how painful a bad race is, so that when the whistle goes off for finals, I can work up the courage to step on the blocks and look fearless.

I remember being told I am fearless.

I remember crying my eyes out in the rain, after running away.

I remember the only fight we had.

I remember the words on his lips and his poetry.

I remembering breaking form and living instead of waiting.

I remember changing.

I remember becoming hard and cold and learning how to forgive all injustices, as long as the atrocities were restricted to me, not others.

I remember my first short story.

I remember my last novel, and the work I intended to be true, turning into falsehood and failure.

I remember ashes in a fireplace, but the campfire stands out more, with a young arsonist, high on love and mental lust, dancing around the flames with his then-girlfriend, and best friend and a girl named Jill.

I remember watching him in his then-girlfriend's room.

I remember learning to forget.

I remember that 2+2 is four and that 2x2 is four and that 2² is four and that two is the only even prime number.

I remember that if f(x)=your face and g(x)=your mom, that g(f(x))=my face/your mom, and that on the axis of life, that sort of math is legitimate but censored.

I don't remember why that's important. Just that it is. Or...was.